Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
