Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
