I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
