she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
