I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
