You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he puts the penis in happiness.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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