The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
