Porn is love you can see.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
