She's JV to your varsity
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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