So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
