I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
