The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
