So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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