pedialite and red bull = repair kit
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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