So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
