I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She needs sedatives and a leash
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
