Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
