So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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