Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
