none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
