Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
