I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
