oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
