He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
