I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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