No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
