My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
