i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
