im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
