So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
