You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
