it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
