you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
