he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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