I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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