Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
