So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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