I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
