the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
