it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
