i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can't special order awesome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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