dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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