just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
