omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
