A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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