census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Farmville is her only friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
