my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
