did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
