if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
