its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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