the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
