Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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